Life Musings : Can You See Through the Inner Soul of All Things?

For this time, my friend Adora whom I told you here in previous article, will contribute something to Decoding Eden blog upon my request. Unfortunately she wants to stay anonymous and I’ll keep it that way to respect her wish. In her own words, ”come on Adna, I’d rather be sailing in the wormhole or hack something than to parent a blog like you”. :D

So without further ado, this is Adora’s writing. No edit from my side and uncensored. Here what she covered, before you get lazy,

– How to be conscious being and see the heart of things instead of its superficial sides

– How to remove spiritual vanity and bigotry

– How to really skip from life adversities and darkness by a simple conscious change

– How to claim your role as beacon of light for others and start practicing altruism


Enjoy! :-)



In the falling star, there is rain and rainbow. My grandfather used to tell me that when I was a little girl to remind me that silver lining exists in any gloomy clouds of your life imaginable, that Divine lets everything circles in an alteration just like night and day, and that’s how the cosmic balance works. But even in the darkness of dark night, sometimes you’ll question the Divine justice about it. When will my adversities end? When will God’s help come?

In more than half of my life, if you don’t mind listening to my life biography, I can estimate that personally my life on earth is mostly a sum of headache and pain in the ass. If I have to draw two table columns, left and right, pros vs cons to live in this alien planet, I can predict that the ”cons” list will be algorithmically high like super-elevator to Black Hole.

Seriously if I can ever hack the database of heaven, or hack my destiny book, I’ll hack them anyway and send them worms or octopus whatever so that Adora : born – deleted – unborn; was truly written and set for my destiny. But shoot me, my dad impregnated my mom and made me born to this sad sad world. And that’s the biological mechanism of my birth to alien planet.

So I can’t choose to be born. No problem. I can still choose where I want to go, and who I want to be.

I often ask what kind of shithole it is that I have to face in my life from watching the world war to suffering, starvation and terrorism, and perhaps just my narcissist parents who cared about their social status too much, while keep telling me I’m a stupid useless child whose opinion is less precious than a fart.

I don’t boast, but I swear by Allah I’m so included in category called ”hyper-sensitive child”, ”grandma trapped in young body”, and ”empath”. I love mother nature so much and often find it’s easier to bear to be with the sea, sands, grasses, flowers and trees, compared to human beings. While as I gazed to inner layers of people, things are often terribly off-note with them.

People who claim sanctity upon themselves, are those who profaned the religion and make God hideous. Leaders who voiced out peace and harmony of nations, I see it in their eyes their insincerity and hidden hypocrisy they’re trying to hide from the world. Short-lived indulgences are fogging people’s minds from true realization of their purpose of existence. Suddenly the meaning of life is defined by short-lived toys instead of enduring contribution to make this world a better place.

Or is it that I’m just thinking of things too much, excessive, and too deep? Maybe things are not that deep after all, but who else are seeing what I’m seeing on the soul and depth of things? But for me, mother nature is only a sign that the earth still has hope to breathe and go on. That’s why I love being with nature more.

But then in humans, who are supposed to be vicigerents of earth, we saw ourselves like accidental events. Like one of Blackfield’s song, ”we are accident called human beings”. We live for the sake of existence, we bury deep awareness and trade them for what is short-lived, be it to survive or to indulge. We put a blindfold upon ourselves and thinking that ignorance is a bliss.

But truly in whatever flood of informations and propaganda we’re sinking in, truth cannot be judged by convincing words. And assumptions broadcasted in mass-scale are not truth, nor always representation of truth. Not when what ”they” want us to see is the fractals, the half-true fragment of the whole story, and the imperfect cut of a round cake.

Truly this is distressing me sometimes. How can I help? How can I find other people who are as willing like myself to help out? For years I’ve been searching and finally avoiding the so-called ”like-minded communities” from religious sect community, metaphysical community, or even vegetarians and environment keepers community. I’ll never ever say that’s because I’m in higher wavelength or something, hahaha, because Allah knows best I’m a sinner in need of His love!

But a lot of these communities, instead of gathering round to discuss the best solution to contribute to others, will boast on how enlightening and progressed they are compared to ”the laymen”. And truly such spiritual vanity is nauseating!

When you claim that you are the most enlightening being or advanced person, so what’s next? Are you just sit there and boasting how much of a ”lightworker” you are, that you’re so elated to find out your identity as enlightened being blah blah, while do nothing to help out the world?

Silly, those who don’t give a damn about the state of humanity cannot save humanity. If you don’t care about needy, your heart won’t be moved, and you automatically won’t help them. Those who don’t give a shit about mother earth cannot save mother earth. It’s plain and simple.

If you want to be the beacon of light and improve the light for others, you must always start from the place of sincerity, caring, selflessness, and altruism. Not some pompous ego-flattering that you are ”higher than all of those laypeople” all that crap. That ain’t help anyone!

”I’m a muslim, therefore better than non-muslims”. ”I’m Christian, therefore better than non-Christians”. ”I’m enlightened being, others are not as enlightened as me”. ”I’m vegetarian, meat eaters are so below myself”. ”I’m bunny, therefore better than rats”.

So can you see this madness here? Some of you have good intention to help the world, but can’t even see past the blindfold of ego and superficial label attachment. You see people like sorting through items’ price tag in department store. Each label glued in the others’ forehead and that’s how you see what their worth.

But let’s try to see instead of this label, to see others as spiritual beings. Forget labels, and for a moment, start seeing others not as label tag carriers or certain group members, but instead see them as naked human. It’s an archetype, okay, I don’t say you must imagine porn. Naked human in the meaning of, vehicles that carry the spirits, straight from the Source. Like mystics said, all water came from the ocean. We may come from many colors of rainbow, but rainbow only come from the sun.


”Know, O beloved, that man was not created in jest or at random, but marvellously made and for some great purpose. Although his form is not everlasting, yet his soul lives forever; and though his body is mean and earthly, yet his spirit is lofty and divine” (Imam Al Ghazali)


Now if you don’t mind a bit, I’ll share personal story. Several months ago, I piggyback some friends to a Southern part of Africa for charity mission. I swear by Allah, I don’t make this up, neither to show off so I can sound so damn noble (blah). I really stepped my feet to Africa, not like Neil Armstrong’s non-existensial steps on the moon. :D

In a village, I went with charity team distributing clothes and foods, and fixing some water pipe with the guys. All of us were 31 persons and a friend of mine who led this team, I called him brother Gabriel. And he sharing me this story,

”One time previously in other village, when I went with the team, 5 extremists got us in our way and beat one of the villager who assisted us while saying foul things like, ”filthy kuffar, Western kuffar!”.

And this is unfair to us since all of us are muslims. All of sisters in the charity team wear headscarves, 2 among them even wear niqab (face veil). And yet these extremist punks acted so high and mighty. Repeatedly mentioned in the name of Allah that we are cursed Westerners.

We even prayed salaah together when he came with his gang. We say assalamu ‘alaikum to him, yet they keep saying ”kuffar” and as I asked what his problem, he said we’re not upon their sect, so we are considered kuffar (infidels) anyway according to them.

This is nuts, and since I happened to memorize the whole Quran, I challenged these Al Qaeda punks to compete in Quran recitation with me to prove which one is more righteous. No, none of them even memorized Suraah Al Falaq. Can you imagine that! They recited it in completely wrong wording, and wrong order. I mean, which muslim kindergarden kid doesn’t memorize Suraah Al Falaq! Some memorized Suraah An-Naas but didn’t know what the verses meaning!

So I quizzed them further on the foundations of prayer salaah. They can’t even tell which sequence is fardh, which one is mustajab. They don’t even have slightest idea what the word ”mustajab” mean. I quizzed them further and it’s worse. They don’t know jack about basics of Islam, barely memorized the short Suraahs of Al Quran that muslim kindergarden kids know, and yet stomping around like the most Islamic people!

They’re finally saying ”we will ask our Shaykh”. I said, ”Then call your Shaykh and get him here to face me, I’ll be waiting.”

Soon, I swear by Allah I saw fear and worry emanating from their eyes and they said, ”he’s not available, our Shaykh is not available”. While the other said, ”your challenge is too low for our eminent Shaykh”. Then they go away. Alhamdulillah.”


”Maybe their shaykh is chicken like them! Or barely able to recite Bismillah”, I replied.

Brother Gabriel asked me, ”what do you see in these villagers? Lots of them are not even muslims.”

I replied, ”I don’t care, they are part of humanity. And Quran said, whosoever saves one life, is like saving all humanity. I shall respect that sacred words forever.”

At the time, in front of me were bunch of villagers, men, women and children, primitive and bare-footed. Their expressions were very grateful and happy to receive this charity’s aid.

And truly as I see penetrating their eyes, naturally I didn’t see labels attached to their identity. I only see primal human beings, bunch of spirits in physical vehicle which is their bodies, grateful to the Giver of Life in whatever way they express it. Happiness was emanating from their eyes, and it is pure. I call it, the beauty of salt of the earth.

And somehow in this moment of love sharing, I realized something. When you define the meaning of your life to be contained in your own very world alone, then your life will be just narrow.

But when you expand your hands to give and help one another and be as altruistic person as you can be, to be the ambassador of Divine in the path of transcendental love, compassion, and mercy in the times of dark, suddenly life finds a meaning. Because at this point, your light is not yours to keep by yourself alone. You become the light bearer, you share the light and you try to improve the light for others.

And what it takes to this step is not by boasting how enlightened being you are, how mighty spiritual you are than ”non-spiritual people”, or how noble your group compared to the non-members.

All it takes is to listen up the voice of conscience that dwells within, to see that other people also matters as much as you, so that you are aware enough that your help matters. Your help can heal. But if ego and spiritual vanity gets priority first, when will you help others out?? Instead of being ”enlightened one”, you become a space parasite!


Now back to our first question in the first paragraph. When you’re in dark, when will God’s help be coming?

Revisiting what I called ”shithole” called earth (personal) life, as I said to this blog owner before, lots of people are treating God like Ebay shopping cart. When they ordered a red bra in DC size, they’re expecting to get the exact same ordered item down to dot and comma lest the seller will be sued for refund. If ants are nesting on that bra, refund too!

Lots of people are expecting overnight miracle. What they want, when they prayed, they instantly get result, or very big result in certain impossible time. Of course it doesn’t work that way!

First of all, don’t expect something so drastically against the law of nature to decide how God’s help will come. For example, when you pray for wealth, wealth is acquired by some sensible means such as doing business or raising career, but you can’t expect it from raining money from the sky. Law of nature is law of nature.

And it’s not atheism or materialism to say so, because law of nature is part of Allah’s decree. Repeatedly Quran telling us that Lauh Al Mahfudz is filled with Allah’s decree pertaining law of nature, such as this one :

Al-An’aam : 59

And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them all except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a falling leaf but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darkness of the earth and no moist or dry thing but they are registered in a Clear Record.


What I’ve observed from my own life and other people who managed to skip adversity after dilligently trying and supplicating, is that God’s help always come in installments and accumulation. It’s like a raindrops which eventually accumulated and shape the flowing river. But it always starts from raindrops. And you must pay attention with every raindrops that come to your way and catch these raindrops so that it can be your river.

That raindrops can be a book, a friend offering opportunity, or any opportunity that seems ”nailed it” but also sensible enough and not the kind that of scammy ”too good to be true”. It can be intuitive nudge from your deeper Self that telling you ”go for it!”.

But you must be vigilant here to every signs and opportunities that might be your first raindrops lest they’ll be gone forever. Now, if you spent most time weeping how unfair life has been treating you, you will miss the raindrops that come to your way.


And secondly, the earth might be shithole for sensitive souls, and I can speak from experience. I’ve so been there, done that. For many years ago personally, I used to suffer from multiple mental illnesses, alcoholism, and suicide attempts that failed.

I self-healed myself with only one faith : if I do good and kindness to others in fellows of humanity, Allah will never ever leave me alone. Allah is the best ever healer in any existent cosmos imaginable, when some people who are supposed to help me first, are those who cursed me for my fall. Leave alone helping me find therapist, they didn’t give a damn but cursing.

And of course one thing that rocked the first change in the first place. ”Ain’t no use to dwell any longer in the Black Hole”. That’s what I thought. It is my choice to dwell in the darkness or seek a way out, and believe in whatever strength I had. Instead of waiting for ship, I’d rather create my own ship.

Alcoholism didn’t help of course, nor suicide attempts or listening to satanic voices that was my mental illness. Time to abandon the wrecked ship called ”the dark night of the soul” and make another new ship. It started from this determination to self-heal myself.

So I learned to depend on myself and to Allah as my most trusted helper. I learned to observe and catch the raindrops.




I’m not gonna lie here, a lot of times I doubt the Creator and for what purpose that He put me here that I had to seek answers from multiple religions, moving from one to another belief system, until I found Sufism and returned to Islam with peace of mind and heart.

Sure I’m more of independent mystic muslim. I don’t trust any groupie Sufi orders that might be deviated and cultish. Neither of the sinister puritans who would gladly take paradise soils exclusively for their own kind alone, while feeling some privilege to claim God’s voice to condemn any outsider to hell automatically, as if God is one-sided and narrow-minded like them.

”Whoever determines the truth from people alone will remain lost in the plains of bewilderment. Rather, know the truth first, and you will know its people.” (Imam Al Ghazali)


But just like the old axiom, every souls’ path to Divine are like many stars in the sky, unique and special to their own, in a voice, in a path and in the soul’s calling that befitting their heart frequency. After all, life is about giving positive contribution to the world, doing whatever our inner hearts are called to do, while facing God as a compass.

So who will ever know what secrets lies beneath the hearts and what kind of pearls or stones it collects? Only the Divine can be the best of the best judge. There is no guarantee that we will always be ”higher above those laymen”. No one. Because the heart is a matter between you and God.


But only after ups and downs in life that I carefully observed, life has a pattern. Where do you decide to go? Who do you decide who you are? Where are you in this moment and what kind of patterns in the past you have repeated over and over, until you arrive at this point?

At this moment of truth, you must decide. See what’s been going and decide that blueprint of your life mindfully, and consciously.

Are you for example, in the mindset of letting anything goes without plan, just to follow what is apparently nice for you at the moment, but then left the scene too early after you feel ”not in it anymore” before you’re on toward something new?

Your life has a pattern, and if you want to change your life to a new direction, you must unthread the unhealthy pattern. Instead of blaming God whatever or human beings mindlessness. That ain’t helping, right?


Now about the spiritual emptiness. Know that the voice of conscience is there to guide you, and they are different from ego’s voice. The latter came from the space of fear, rush, sometimes selfish motivation.

But the voice of conscience, it tells you to expand your heart. They might be somewhat hard to get, especially in this fear-based and rush world. But it’s not impossible, if you are willing to listen.

To listen to the voice of conscience amid the storm of self gratification, will be like trying to hear the hush of a soft wind amid the hurricane. You must remove that hurricane, by sincerely listening toward the deep within. You must turn down the noise that is consumerism, ego, greed, misogyny, self-righteousness, and return to the naked conscience. Conscience that tells to look up above and see the hope in the storm, that change begins from within not without.

”The heart is a thousand stringed instrument that can only be tuned with love. Be kind to your sleeping heart. Take it out into the vast field of light…And let it breathe.” (Hafez)

Do you want to ”increase your vibration” and find what it feels to be in touch with your glowing light that is the heart? Dhikrullah and meditation works, but forget it for a while. Do something else more contributing to others who really really need it. Those who will treat the things you give them like precious jewels. See, if you have a bucket full of water in your hands, don’t throw them to the sea. Throw them to a dying plant because it needs your water more than the sea.

Start by giving significant things to needy. Instead of giving 5 cents that you can pass by, buy them some serious meal like the one you usually eat, as long as it’s fulfilling their hunger. Browse internet and find legitimate charity organizations, then donate. You don’t have to give all of your precious belongings if that’s heavy to you. Start small, but do gradually.

You will know how it truly feels to help out and kickstart to practice altruism. Isn’t that feel great to you and heart expanding? :-)

Now go ahead and do that.



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