By Fatima Ariadne
In my early teens, I was one of the girl no one would approach. “Nerd”, “eccentric weirdo”, “hippie”, “you’ll never get a boyfriend”, “ugly” – heard them all the time (Even until today I still have a namecall “eccentric”, dunno why :D). Got slandered once as a “drug user” only because I seemed to daydream a lot. Sheesh.
I was just thinking, whoah…if what they’ve declared is already this bad, then what would they say behind me. Several times, I actually came across people I never knew before, who just suddenly gave me a nasty stare without reason. Their eye tones were as if they see a walking disease – that’s creepy.
The causes were mostly of silly, petty reasons like bashing Britney Spears/ MTV, not following the latest fashion and movies, not partying and clubbing, reading metaphysics instead of Harry Potter, and especially….for not having a boyfriend. I used to live in the heart of metropolitan city, hence such hedonistic lifestyle was rampant.
I was just, I mean come on. Crying over a breakup from a retarded dude who left because a hotter girl flirted him? Failed clubbing dance? Losing “zest of life” for not getting a ticket on Westlife concert? Giving a terrible namecall to peeps who unfollow the trend as “nerd”, “hippie” and such? SubhanAllah, should life be that shallow and pathetic? I don’t pretend to be pious here, but even as a teenager, following such things simply equal to insanity to me.
In the end, oh well, teens are teens. You were a lucky, gifted species if you can survive it without the oooh-angst hormone. We’re all guilty!
“I Think They Speak Ill Behind My Back”
You can be the sweetest person you can be, and there are still some people who misunderstood your intention, or trying to dig your fault no matter what. After all, we cannot please anyone. That’s life! So, what should you know or do if you are the backbiting victim?
1. They’re no better than you
The one aayah that kept me strong and will keep you strong too :
“O faithful people! Let not a group mock another group, for it may be the latter (the one being mocked) is better than the former (the one who mock). Let not women mock another women, for it may be the latter (the one being mocked) is better than the former (the one who mock)….” (Suraa Al Hujurat 11)
A real person of good inner quality will not spend his time seeking fault in other’s, left alone spreading it. Instead, he’ll focus more to take an inner mirror of himself.
So whatever the awful stuff they did, I did the opposite. When they boasted “oh look that boy was noticing me and my new dress yesterday” I went to library and noticing what books I haven’t devoured today. The point here is not to grow a self-pride. But to acknowledge that you don’t have to feel upset over people who constantly put you down – because they don’t know your real interior, and they are certainly not better than you.
2. Confront the Backbiters
I literally did this. So what I basically did was came to the boys who liked to jeer at me “why are you doing this?”. Do you know what’s next? They literally ran away from my presence! LOL
But actually asking the backbiter directly (if you know them) is useful enough to figure out their motive. Instead of a “why do you hate me??” that would sound whiney and worsen the backbiter’s attitude, you can ask kindly but in determined tone like :
“Have I done anything wrong to you? Was there any unresolved problem between us? If there is one or two, not only I would ask your forgiveness. I’ll actually solve the problem while I can”.
3. Backbiters usually have a sort of inferiority complex, secretly
It’s a bitter truth that some people would like to put other people down. But if you dig them, big chances are the backbiter secretly have inferior feeling about themselves – I speak this from experience. And misery just looooves company. In order to feel better about themselves, they will put other people down and talk about others’ weaknesses, creating a false impression to themselves that they are better.
4. Focus on yourself and your self-improvement
Some people are just energy vampires, including those who constantly seeking faults in you. If they already put a bad intention toward you, then anything you do to “try changing their perception about me” will only worsen their attitude further. It’s like feeding the wolves.
So there. Focus on yourself and self improvement. Read good books, seek new experience to enrich your mind. Alter yourself to a new different level. And when you do this……
5. The proof will speak itself
One day I accidentally caught people who backbite me, they played guitar and smoking on the school’s backyard during Jumuah. So I asked them, “why not go to Jumuah?” – where they basically answered “I don’t feel like it”.
It won’t be very long before actually the truth revealed and people who think ill about you, will find themselves you’re not “unlike what other people said”. It’s not an instant thingy and takes time, but eventually if you change yourself to a different level, like attracts like.